i wrote this one:

Aroma of death
Sweet, sweet decay
A chill in the air
On a warm autumn day

Your honey-sickle cackle
My lovely gruesome smile
Tripping rays of sunshine
A young bright mind to defile

We traipse through the graveyard
Under the blood red moon we kiss
And everyday is full of laughter
Everyday is full of melancholy bliss

i'm home again. i didn't get quite as attached to Wyoming as i did to Oregon last summer, but i also didn't have anyone that i got really close to. i was always close to Bubba, so that doesn't count. She may move to Washington next year, so that would be awesome.

i'm in love with the guy that works at Hot Topic. He said hello to me when i saw him in the mall and i just smiled like an idiot. What a freakin suprise. But then again, i am kind of stupid. Anyone who dates me will have to accept that.

Of course, most of life is meaningless. It doesn't take a genious to figure that one out. We are born, live, love, work, breed, and die. Humans also take pride in inflicting pain upon others. Perhaps by accident, perhaps by pleasure. i have very little faith in the human race, though its gotten us this far. We have already begun to regress.

We are a nation of reality TV; morals hold no meaning to us any longer; a marriage cannot last through these modern times; people have forgotten how to accept and have found their contempt; fights over oil; education wasted by not using it to think; eating disorders, plastic surgery, a tummy tuck here, a brow lift there; we are driven by fear: fear of being fat, fear of being ugly, fear of being alone, fear of leaving our homes. We have forgotten what it means to open our doors and feel warm air upon our faces, to go out late at night and see the stars (they are more brilliant than you remember), to feel the grass under our feet, to appreciate the laughter of a child, to smell bread baking, to enjoy the beauty of a genuine smile. An untouched, unwhitened, unstraightened, beautiful genuine smile.

And yet all these things occur, and we forget. Cell phones, palm pilots, laptops, buses, trains, planes, rush, rush, rush, and then

*we wonder where it all went*

Simple splendor destroyed by thoughtless minds.
Nothing is worse than a mind without thought.
Destruction becomes of those who do not choose to think.
As long is there are reasons for what you believe;
You are safe from the ignorance others suffer.

i'm tired of these same 17 years and am ready for a challenge.
C5 G5 A5 F5
Time to break the same progression.
Perhaps, though, progression is regression?
The closer to the end i get, i can see the beginning more clearly.


And what of the children???

And so i have one week left. i can't say i'll really miss being here, but i do like being alone and having the quiet which i'm rarely allowed to have at home.

i'm at such a loss. i feel as though i've lost things, though really they were never mine and may never be. There is nothing i want more than to go to school in Tacoma, and yet, what will i do to ensure my acceptence??? Knowing myself, not anything. i need some reassurance of my own self worth.

i wish the phone would ring, but if it doesn't, its my own damn fault.

Stupid girl.




Will you ever be mine the way i want you to be mine?
Tell me what you think of me.
And i will tell you what i think of you.
Even though you alreadly know.

i think i know, too.

Ah, guitar therapy. i feel so much better now.

What the hell am i going to do? Time is simply moving too damn slow and yet school is about to start again. i wish it would. i'm so tired of summer. A sentence i've never uttered in my whole life. But its completely and pathetically true. i don't want to go back to school to see my friends; i want to go back so that it can be over with. i want to go through the motions of a fun and happy senior year, but i just want it to be over.

i'm so enamored with Washington and everything (and everyone) in it. Its hard to say how i would react if i didn't get accepted to the University of Puget Sound. There is a very small chance of my admission and yet i've never wanted anything so bad as i want this. i'll have a job and every penny will be saved to go to Tacoma and visit the campus, and to see my Sean, and to hopefully glimpse a little bit of my future for next year.

i simply cannot wait.

What am i supposed to do until then???



in lonely days long ago/i saw lovers put on a show/well now its my turn

i actually did make it through Thursday without a tear. But many were to come on Friday, then on Saturday, more Sunday, but i managed to suppress them all day today.

All in all my trip to Washington was pleasant. i ate crab fresh from the sea. i saw the moon rise over the Sound. i found sea glass along the beach. i felt totally and completely at peace and at home.

Oh, his eyes are so blue.

How could i forget they were so blue???