I don't want to hurt you. My contempt is only for myself. Sometimes I know I say things that sting, but it isn't intentional . . . because Ana is beautiful. And I am not. My destruction is intentional and devastating. Trying so hard for a little bit of love, and only failing twice as much. Perhaps I cannot be loved. Or I try too hard for affection that isn't there. My desire to take care of people is mistaken for love. I mistake it for love. Ofentimes I want to curl up and sleep forever, until life just passes. The worrying that I endure doesn't seem worth whatever happens after the worrying. Some ensurance, some sign, that its possible for me to be loved is all I ask. I cannot trust your word, or your actions, or my intuition. I'm sorry. For everything. For myself. For my unhappiness and letting it affect your happiness. If it is best, I will leave you in peace. It would tear me apart not to talk to you. My misery would be complete and my sorrow unendurable. But if you were happier because of my absence, then I would go. Perhaps it would be of some consolation to know that you were more satisfied without the burden of me and my contemptable love. Perhaps. I would do it for Ana because she is beautiful and my love is tainted.

i wrote that sometime during the last two years, and its funny what a difference a few months can make. i don't feel that way at all anymore, and it makes me smile to think that my woes once seemed so large and infinite. Not that i think i'm being a drama queen, thats just the way you feel sometimes: like your problems are so big and no one else can possibly suffer as much as you.

i've changed so much in just the last few months. i'd like to thank all my friends, especially Jenn and Kurt, i'd like to thank the White Stripes because they are my inspiration, i'd like to thank the fact that i've finally grown up and found out the world does not revolve around me. Thank you time, you heal everything.

I went down to the river filled with regret
Looked down and I wondered if there was any reason left
And just before my lungs could get wet
I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

The new White Stripes album is amazing, my friends are amazing, things are just in general amazing.

WARPED TOUR IN 31 DAYS!!!
MOVE-IN DAY AT ST. MARTIN'S IN 72 DAYS!!!