i have a feeling i'll cry before the day is over.

Off i go, to Seattle.

I wish we
were stuck up a tree
then we'd know
that it's nicer below

I don't know any lullabys
I don't know how
to make you mine
but I can learn
in lonely days ago
I saw lovers put on a show
well now it's my turn

Drive you home
then wait by the phone
for that call
for a walk in the fall

no harm will come of this
one little midnight kiss
it will not burn
too many lonely days
I feel like a throw away
well now it's my turn

Falling down
is no longer around
feeling sun
I'm no longer one
well isn't this fun?

--I Can Learn
By my Jackie White

i want to break down and cry.
i'm not sure why.
Wish someone could tell me.
Wish i could tell myself.

so if you're lonely . . .



i'm here waiting for you.

We ate at Penny's Diner last night and i must tell you about our server. Bub and i both agreed that it was probably Penny herself serving us. She wore a pink "Penny's Diner" shirt that fit her personality perfectly. She had bleach blond hair, a small nose ring, and fingernails that could slash your throat if you got too close. She was about 50, i think, but i'm bad with ages. She moved incredibly slowly in everything she did--the way she wrote our orders down, the way she walked, the way she poured coffee. The food came quickly though, and was very good. 'Penny' didn't smile once, i don't think, and i'm rather intrigued by her. The other waiters there were young men, about my own age, and that makes me smile to think about. i wonder if she hired them personally.

Washington July 30th. i just don't know what to think. i'm too excited and i wish i could make my heart realize i probably won't get to see Sean. i don't want to be too devestated when he doesn't show up. But just the same i'm getting my hair cut and dyed and i have to keep myself busy not to think about it too much. i don't know what to do. i don't ever know what to do.

i did physical labor yesterday. Twice. First cleaning up hay bails and metal and warped wood at a farm and then later taking kayaking class for two hours. My legs hurt from lifting and my arms hurt from paddling. My brain hurts from not sleeping. i have to go back to Los Arguellos Farm today to finish up, which should take about 3 hours, so I'm not leaving until two.

i've been playing guitar a lot. Wish i had my Peppermint Rain stuff here, but oh well, i'll get it when i go back to Montana in two weeks, if i remember. i could have the damn book done by now if i was a little more creative and a lot more motivated. Its pretty good so far, i have to admit. The concept may not be completely original but it is completely me, so i'm quite proud of it.

i can't stop yawning.