i saw Kill Bill this weekend. It is one of the best movies ever. i suprised myself by how much i enjoyed it. i usually hate bloody violent movies, but this is the exception.

i also bought Blood on the Tracks. If you do not know who's album this is, you suck :D Well, not really. i love Tangled Up In Blue and Meet Me In The Morning. Awesome album, though i've only listened to it a couple of times.

They say the darkest hour is right before the dawn
But you wouldn't know it by me
Every day's been darkness since you been gone.

--from Meet Me In The Morning

It stormed today. Constant thunder, just a low sweet rumble puncuated by loud bursts accompanied by stuttering lights. The storm was so lovely. So short. Everything sweet is short. Life is like that, i guess.

i've been getting lots of spam in my account. Let me share. They are so oddly lovely.

Here's my favorite:

fundraiser 2432 tenors

pickup truck living with approach rattlesnake toward, and near tripod write a love letter to around chess board.sheriff for play pinochle with pickup truck over toothpick, because of impresario brainwash turn signal living with tornado.Indeed, power drill over toothpick buy an expensive gift for razor blade behind industrial complex.
tabloid lacerta bear dupont cordite cutler

It makes absolutly no sense but i love it.

i don't know about that, sugar.

My mind is swirling, and the ideas are there, but i can't quite seem to reach them. Some whirlpool keeps me at its edges and my thoughts in the center, and i must get to them before they are sucked down forever. How do i reach them without pulling myself down, too?

Where are all the decent people?

There is a Miller Genuine Draft on the desk. But it isn't mine. Its been here since i got here. Not sure why i mentioned it.

Distrac
t
e
d
.

There were flowers, with smoke billowing from them. White smoke, and orange flames, kissing the yellow flowers until they were brown and burnt and no longer smelled sweet. I watched, and was sad. Sad is a stupid word. I was moved, rather. By little yellow flowers. And I hate yellow.

I wonder what its like to be loved. REALLY loved. I read somewhere that between couples, one person always loves the other person more than their spouse loves them. Its really quite sad--no--depressing. Is it better to be more loved or love more? I'm not sure, really. Love in general would be nice.

Doesn't everyone crave love in some form? I crave it in every form. I just realized I started capitalizing my I's. How strange. I never used to because I was never deserving of a capital I. My mind works in such odd stupid ways.

No wonder no one loves me.

I'm still not deserving of capital I's.

A Tricia Original:

you probably don't know
but its possible that you care
and i know i don't show
with any artistic flair
however i am yours
and thats all you need to know
despite distance and closed doors
i'm hopelessy
shamelessy
happily
yours

redbowlingballruth, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Well! i don't even know what to say.

Bad qualities i possess:
Indesisive
Lazy
Indifferent
Self-defeating
Boring . . . :)

Good qualities i possess:
i don't know. You tell me. Its rather sad that i can't think of any. Ah, well.


i'm so tired of being me. If i could be someone else just for a day, and to know what its like to be intellegent and funny and happy, i think that would be enough for me. Or maybe i can somehow find a way to be happy, but let me tell you, i am very self-defeating. i don't think i possess the correct qualities to be happy. i'll end up locking myself in a coffin and just wait for my inevitable end before it finds me first.

This all makes absolutly no sense. i make absolutly no sense.
bah.

On my way to Wyoming, i was left with no entertainment but the radio. As i was listening, this AWFUL song comes on, and as i'm listening to this horrible, torturous voice, i'm thinking, "someone needs to tell this chick she can't sing!" i thought my head was going to explode. i decided to wait out the song to find out who was now worthy of my utmost hate, and they announced the singer: Britney Spears. WOW. i wasn't suprised, but it confirmed my belief that the woman has no singing talent whatsoever. She would never have gotten as far as she has if it wasn't for her looks and disgusting appearances. i would have way more respect for her if she at least stopped torturing us with her horrible music and just became a porn star instead. i would much rather watch that than have to endure her voice any longer.

Yesterday my pants told me, "You are beautiful." I said, "Aww, how sweet." At least someone thinks so, even if its only my pants.

The pants i am wearing right now are not just pants, they are Pants. i have never owned a pair of jeans that i felt so good in. They are already torn, and that makes them even better. i didn't tear them. But i still should have gotten a discount. Jeans never ever fit me right, and it drives me crazy. Maybe if my hips weren't quite so large i'd be able to find some pants that fit the way i want them to. Oh well. One pair of jeans out of ten isn't so bad.

*** *** ***

Here is a poem i did not write:

The Suicide, as she is falling,
Illuminated by the moon,
Regrets her act, and finds appalling
The thought she will be dead so soon

-Edward Gorey

She overcame her fear of falling, only to fear landing. Ah, satire. How i love it so.

i feel as though i could just lie down and sleep forever. i got to Wyoming at 10:00 last night, and slept until 10:29 this morning. i'm not actually tired, not physically; i just want to disappear.

i can tell already that i won't get along with any of the people here, and i haven't met any of them. Bubba did tell me that everyone is ultra-conservative, but that isn't a big deal--i come from the Land of the Republicans.



Michael,
you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore

So close now, its close now,
so come and dance with me Michael My favorite lines on the entire Franz Ferdinand album. This should not suprise anyone.

I have more to post, but my mind is cluttered.

Be back later.

redbowlingballruth, you're an Observer!

This means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more time on your own than most.


Well, that about sums it up! Not really, but i like that description. i'm off to Wyoming tomorrow, we shall see. Washington is next on my list and i don't care what ANYONE says. If i don't get there sometime i shall whither and die for sure. Yes, i'm a tad bit dramatic, but hopefully that isn't a bad thing.

sweet soft whispers within cream coloured curtains
ample apple blossoms bring felon falcon talons
tearing tatters lifelessly, listlessly, drearily, dreadfully
and all alone
tears tumble
silently