i can't wait until i am far far away and don't have to ever deal with this shit again. i'd rather deal with new shit, because at least then i might have more control over it. We all must tiptoe around each other and pretend that everything is all right and be afraid that an off word or crossways look will cause pandemonium. There are no freedoms here without judgement. i won't be preached to by someone with a death wish.

i suddenly realized what i want to do with my life. Maybe. It'll change, for sure. But i want to write it down now.

It occured to me sometime between working on the set late and driving to Great Falls for props that i would love to work behind the scenes for plays or movies. Never as a director or actress, but as a stage manager, or costume person, or make-up artist, or set designer. And while i am traveling around the world doing the aforementioned, i could write my little books or play guitar in dark dingy bars with a cigarette and a bottle of Jack. There is something romantic about being a starving artist, but only if that lasts a short time.

Its frustrating to know what you want, but also to know it can never come true.

Infatuation sucks.