i recieved a flood of mail from St. Martin's. And a small note from Puget Sound. They will review my application and let me know by April 1. i'm not going there, even on the off chance i get accepted. St. Martin's is my home. i'll be within driving of Anacortes and Bubba. Within driving to the ocean. Within getting away to Vancouver once in a while. Mostly i'll be within some sort of freedom i've never been able to attain while living in Denton. i have never felt quite happy here; not since i moved here. i don't mean to sound ungrateful--there are lots of people that i adore. But things just aren't quite . . . right. Not for me. i desire art and culture and humanity in all forms rather than just white cookie cutters. i want to know what its like to be sorrounded by buildings full of humans, to walk down a street and feel the excitement of not being sure if i am quite safe. i felt a bit of that in Cinncinati. i walked to the hotel from the dance, by myself. It was an exilerating feeling because i knew i shouldn't have been wandering around a strange city. i was in no real danger; the hotel was down the street--1 or 2 blocks and we were in an upscale part of town. But i liked that feeling. i would have felt at home propped up against the Saks Fifth Avenue building, smoking a cigarette and watching others walk by quickly with their heads down. i guess i want to escape into the city. i want to know what it's like to be anonymous. i want people to look at me and have no preconceived notions, no ideas based on what they've heard--i want them to look and see me, as i am, and nothing else.

life is interesting.
what more could i want?