i will go to bed 17 and awake 18. Oh how happy i am to finally be an adult. Not that i feel like an adult. Here is a list of my presents so far:
A chair for my new room
Stephen King on cassette
A Green Day CD (burned)
Stephen King's On Writing
A good list.

Anyways, i'm tired and bored and still chubby so i should head off to bed so i can sleep and maybe get up and work out for a few minutes. Yeah. Right. i'd go on a diet if i didn't like to eat so much. Maybe i'll go have a donut instead.

This is the dullest post ever.

Sometimes admittance is the worse kind of downfall.

i was never truly bothered by my little flaw, but by admitting that it existed, it only made things a hundred times worse. i hate being and feeling vulnerable and that is exactly how i feel right now.

Screw guys. i'm becoming a lesbian.

It snowed yesterday. Today the sun is shining and it is loverly. Just loverly. i've been in a good mood all month since i know my teeth will be free from their bars soon. Hurrah.

Called last night, just to hear your voice. It was nice, even though i didn't actually get to talk to you. But thats alright. As long as i got to hear your voice.

Perhaps i'd be happier if i had someone else. But i know i'd still think of you. i don't want to feel this way, but i can't help missing you.

Wish you felt the same, too.

Maybe. Someday. Soon.

@--}-----

i'm getting rather tired of being alone. But that doesn't mean i'm going to latch myself to the next available person that comes along. Or one that is already here.

i drove home in the rain last night. Quite a scary experience when you're on a rural unfamiliar road. Well, its a familiar road in the daytime, but things change shape and length and size in the night. Like my thoughts do. My thoughts scare me at night.

you wasted life why wouldn't you waste death?
for your sake i hope heaven and hell are really there, but i wouldn't hold my breath. -modest mouse

did i mention that i loved you?

The last two days have been lovely in their climatic compostions.
.....Their physical properties haven't been too bad either. Not fantastic, but workable.
i love how i'm the only one who realizes the value of a day but i waste it more than anyone else.
.....The pain is still there but less distinct. i think i know the reason but sometimes i like a little pain.
How often do people really live? i sometimes don't understand the point of it, especially when it feels as though you are rush rush rushing from one thing to the next and not enjoying it a bit. i like being lazy; i like lying in the grass with my cat; i like the warm overcast mornings with the orange sun struggling to make itself known through that blanket. And i love knowing there is still more out there, there is still a whole other world besides this tiny little village with these same unsympathetic people. The need to escape is only growing stronger. And i love that, too.

i've felt quite a lot of turnoil over the past month, though on the surface i may appear at my calmest.
.....Y control.
..........Politically, emotionally--its all the same. Ignorance is bliss for some, for others they happen to be informed but still continue to ignore the facts. Our nation, our town; our state, our school. Politics, politics, politics.
...............And ignorance still reigns supreme in this oh so great nation of ours.
..........Praise God for our fearless leaders, who have no fear in lying to us, in lying to the world, who believe in only what they want to. Republican, democrat, independent--they are all the same and yet we support our "beliefs" by only voting for one constant ticket.
.....Do the world a favor.
..........Inform yourself.

And then vote.

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