i cried almost all day today.

As much as i complain about BPA and as many times as i attempted to quit, it was still a big part of my life and just about the only thing i looked forward to all year. i dedicated most of my Saturday trying to prepare for it, i sat and filled out practive applications for my interview. My business suit was all washed and ready to go, along with my Pixies CD and a blanket.

i sat in the bathtub to try to relax, but alone time means thinking time and thinking time means realizing how much i hate myself.

The last couple of weeks (well, months, really) have been hell. My life feels like hell.

i wish i knew exactly what i wanted.

Swenson said he would figure out how to get me to state.

i'm going to go throw up now.