What exactly is wrong with me? i want to have fun, i really do. My mom says i'm opposed to it, but i think thats only because she isn't able to live her teen years vicariously through me. i think my standoffish personality leads people to think i'm not having fun. But i'm never not having fun. i'm cool with whatever. When other people say they're bored, i think, "how can you be bored when we are all out of the house on this Saturday night, with each other, just chilling?" i'm a loser; thats what that means.

ANYWAYS, enough self pity. i laid in the grass today, and it was long and soft and i had forgotten the way grass smells. i miss being outside all of the time, i feel quite lazy when i'm indoors. And alone. i cleaned today, but it didn't help the way i'm feeling. Maybe a trip to Cincinnati will help, but i always come back from those feeling even more down. And this has turned back into self pity.

Enough for now.
i'll write when i'm feeling loved.